I Postpone A New Friend

Readers, this has been quite a day. And honestly, I don't know how to describe it. Things were both fun and frustrating. If I were to put it on my own words, I'd say, this day is below typical- meaning very frustrating, - and above sorrow- meaning, there are some good things even though, the bad part was a lot bigger.

I had fun kinda making Joseph Rubio and Gynard Alfonso... well, I hope, "jealous". Thanks for the support pareng Lord Emill Fernandez  and Justin John Pagalunan. Of course, the whole thing was just a joke. Although, I get this feeling like I'm enjoying what was happening. Well, of course, I did. I was only saying their names, but it felt like I was telling them: "Hey you! Stay away from my GILR!". Then again, if you understand the ebb and flow of events very well, you'll notice that it's not actually a good thing... especially for Kezia Calderon. I mean like, she's a girl for crying out loud! She deserves more respect than that. Kezia has been an underdog for like, three school years or more. And for someone who likes her a lot, it hurts to see her being treated that way, being used, being laughed at, what not. What's worse, I feel like I'm the meanest, the baddest, the worst person in the whole world. I was the reason she's, like, "being used". It sucks. She probably hates me by now. I planned to say sorry to her a while ago, when we were going home, unfortunately, we had an accompaniment, Jennie Rose. I just hope, by tomorrow, we'll have an intimate or at least, an alone time with each other, so that I could personally apologize to her.
Kezia, I know, someday, you'll be reading this. If ever I forget to say sorry, I hope you'd accept my apology here. I'm sorry. I guess, it's probably the worst thing that I've done to you. I've been a jerk, a bastard, I'm sorry.

Then, Aimee Layno made a bold and notable outstanding statement this afternoon. Let's get things straight, "notable" does not always mean good. Remember that people. If  the word "crush" can have many meanings, then, so can notable. I was to speak in front of the class a while ago, when Aimee suddenly said something that made the whole class laugh at me. Please, don't get me started  with her words. These are the times when I just wanna forget things. It was very embarrassing and frustrating. I mean like, even our teacher laughed at me. Sure, that's a sign of fame, or at least, getting noticed. But I don't like it! Rene Zellweger once said, "No matter how bad things go, we still must maintain our standards". I think, that's what she said. I don't actually remember. I just paraphrased her statement.
I don't exactly hate being told like the teacher that they compare me too. It's just that, we barely look alike! Sure, by the first time I saw him, I saw myself in him... but not my face. He reminded me of myself when he first went to the class for a practice teaching. He was like me, shaky in front of may people, doesn't speak well under pressure, and awkward and move-y in front of the class.. but that's that!
Usually, when Aimee tells that joke, or when someone tells that joke, I'll just laugh or deny it.  But this time, I was kinda mad and very sad. I was so embarrassed! I hate it when my damn classmates do that to me- laugh at me for shallow reasons. It is so annoying! I didn't continue on speaking in front of the class a while ago. Or should I say, I didn't even speak anymore. I held myself back. I was quiet about what happened a while ago, allowing my emotions to fully sink in to me.
Aimee, I am your friend. Next time don't do that to me. Your a human. And obviously, you know that! I hate getting embarrassed, especially in front of the class, and with the teacher. I know you'll feel the same when someone does that to you. Don't worry, I'm not the kind of person who does things to people which are similarly done to me. And, I'm not mad at you. I'm just frustrated. If you read what this article contains, it's just a simple compilation of my emotions of what you did.

Readers, we all hate being embarrassed, especially in front of the class with the teacher in it. So please, if you ever feel to embarrass someone, just... just don't do it. The winds of karma blows worse than what you did the first time. Remember that! And guys, to all of you out there, there's only one word I want to sink in to you tonight: RESPECT. Girls, they're like diamonds, they're very precious. Never take them for granted. Instead, respect them. You never know, someday, man might only be the ones to walk on earth and girls... they'd be nowhere to be seen. What would you feel about that? I myself would be devastated. I don't wanna lose girls that I like and not like. It's like, they link everything. Life is an ecosystem, and without them, the whole chain of life dies.

Walk Alone

Readers, it's been a while since I've blogged my heart out. It's just that, I was busy. School. It has been keeping me busy during the past days. But now, well, I'm back... Hopefully, I'll always be.

I don't actually like revisiting the past, so, I'm just gonna tell you guys about what I feel about today. There are only two things which are bugging me- it's about family, and friends.

It's been two years since I saw my parents. They've been busy working hard in abroad. I miss them. I miss them a lot. Everytime, I go to recreational places and see other kids, or worse, my classmates with their parents, their whole family, having fun and all that, I get kinda jealous, or let's just say: envious. I know, it's not a good thing. But sometimes, we just can't stop our emotions. And scientifically speaking, our endocrine system is an 'involuntary' system. Which means, I can't control the production of hormones, the very blood of our emotions. Yesterday, when me, my cousin and my sister were in Jollibee, I saw my classmate and her family. I don't know what I was feeling, but I kinda had a tugging sensation that made me wanna tear. I was thinking, "What if I was in the position of my classmate?". What if I were with my family, eating at fastfood, going to mass together, having fun on parks and what not? Then again, I know that won't happen. If you're thinking that I live on a crazy messed-up world, you're probably right. My mother and my father, they're like... on a "Feud". They're not exactly, fighting, or directly fighting. They just seem to lose their feelings for each other. My father doesn't trust my mother side... especially my grandmother. As for my mother, being merciful, kind and caring and all, she doesn't seem to hate my father, even my father side's family. If my father would try to separate us from her, I don't know. There's a possibility she won't let it happen, and there's a possibility she'll let the opposite thing happen. She respects the right of my father to have us, she doesn't wanna keep us away from our father. As for my grandmother, she hates everything! She hates us, my mother, my father, everything! If there's only one thing she really appreciates or cares about, it's her old life back in the barrio, where she used to live -where we used to live. My parents are not here, so, usually, I'm not the kind of guy, who's on full family mode. Time, experience and my friends have molded me to this kinda-morbid type of person who prefers to be clueless about things, and not care a lot.

I really miss my parents. I miss my mom, I miss my dad. Even though I leave in this messed-up crazy world and acts as a bastard son all the time, deep inside, I'm a puny, a little boy who can't survive this world without them. Readers, since we are all teenagers, I know, there are times you kinda hate your parents. I tell you this, never let that hate turn into a grudge or something worse. You'll only know how much you love you're parents, when they're exactly gone. Treasure your parents, no matter how much they annoy you sometimes.

As for my friends, it seems they are more bastard and phony than I am. This afternoon, I've felt ignored... again. I hate it when my friends do that! I am not a school icon, but I have friends, they may not be a lot, but they are enough. Sometimes, in life, you don't need a lot of friends, just enough. For that 'enough' are the ones that you can actually call "True Friend".
I belong into two cliques on the school, the "The Virgins", the one that I've been telling you, and "Lunatics".
My friendship with the other members of the Lunatics began one full moon- we were having so much fun, reliving youth, playing like we are still toddlers and acting crazy and all.
Now, there are times, when I think they don't need me anymore. There are times when they talk to others, and not include me. Whenever I wanted to join their conversation, they ignore me. That's what I hate the most, because I choose them over my two other best friends, Kennard and Christian- my two bestfriends from "The Virgins". I guess I have poor judgement over my friends, because I always choose the ones whom will make me frustrated than the ones who'll always make me laugh.

Sorry for this Aira Trinidad, Kezia Calderon, and Reynold Feliciano. I hope you respect my right to judge you, or to at least tell what I feel here. Internet is my only happiness. I can't hate people directly, or tell them what I feel about them, so I tell it here.
If you're ever reading this, I hope you won't give me a bad reaction. I hope you'll stay rational as always. It's just my expression of emotions. Nothing more, nothing less.

Readers, if there's one thing you need to be keen about, it's about your friends. You never know if they're like your names, who'll stay with you forever, or, if they're like foggy thing on your breath during winter, which will fade away, at a blink of an eye.

"Pagkain ng Gulay Ugaliin,Araw- Araw Ihain"

Ang batang malusog,

Sa tamang pagkain nabubusog,

Sapat na nutrisyon kinakain,

Upang malusog na buhay, iyong aanhin.

Pagkain ng gulay, dapat ugaliin,

Wastong nutrisyon, dapat intindihin,

Buhay nati’y alagaan,

Sapagkat tayo, ang pag-aasa ng bayan.

Mga saktong gulay,

Dapat nasa bahay,

Araw-araw itong ihain,

‘Wag kalimutang kainin.

‘Vitamin A’ na pampalinaw ng mga mata,

Dapat kainin ng mga bata,

Nang paningin ay luminaw,

At ng bumuti pa, ang iyong pananaw.

Kumain ng kamatis,

Nang kuminis ang kutis,

Ang gulay ay ‘di lamang pampabusog,

Ito rin ay pampalusog.

O gulay! Ako sayo’y saludo,

Dahil sa’yo, gumanda ang buhay ko,

Ako’y hindi lamang busog,

Kundi rin malusog,

Umiwas sa sakit,

Nang buhay ay maging kaakit-akit,

Dahil sa gulay,

Makulay ang buhay.

Poem: Cheating

Gracious am I to those who I sit with,

Without them, I’m lonely as a kid,

Dumbfounded will I be in their absence,

School to me, will lose its essence.

 

Math, Science, English or Chemistry,

Things to me will seem easy,

Whatever happens we will survive,

As long as together, we thrive.

 

Gracious am I for you’re with me,

My gratitude, I shall send, for bringing me glory,

Someday, you shall be repaid,

When in need, I’ll come to your aid.

Oracle: Wits

Obscured wits will soon be unraveled,

Explore the labyrinths that are never traveled,

Beware those who are on top,

To the deepest pits, they will drop.

Oracle: Fides

Brace yourselves, to those who’ll hold the pen,

You shall enter the brain’s torturing den,

Time shall perish in your very grip,

Wisdom will be your endless reap.

Diary: Neglection’s Den

High School. It’s probably the best place to be ignored, to get neglected, to be on oblivion. I’m not a loser, but I experienced that lot in High School. I don’t know, perhaps it’s natural in every school that you’ll go, or, the people on school are just naturally neglecting.

I don’t feel much good today. I don’t know, I guess my moods are just reflections of the weather today. A lot had happened since the last day I blogged. I’ve been experiencing, well, let’s just say, not-much-luck. I want to tell everyone what I’ve been keeping into myself, but unfortunately, I’ve gotta let them sink into me first. Readers, there’s only one thing that I wanna talk to all of you about, today. It’s “Neglection”. If there’s one thing I hate the most about my life in High School, it is getting ignored.

Of course, we all do hate getting ignored. I’m a kind of person who easily ‘not-cares’ about things in life. But this one, I just can’t seem to let it go. I’m not those kind of shallow people who likes to have the spotlight all the time, but I just clearly hate being ignored.

When that happens to me, I silently leave the room metaphorically wearing a mask. I always wear a mask. I always do that. I guess, I want people to get confused about the real me. I put on this happy face or something, but deep inside, I feel the opposite way. I don’t know if I do a good job about that, but it doesn’t matter. As long as I can do that, that’s what matters most.

This afternoon, I’ve been ignored so many times, my emotions were like cable wires connected to a desktop’s CPU—tangled. First, when I came to school, I noticed some of my friends- Jophel, KC Quiben and Danber Joy Villanueva, gathered somewhere near the school gate. I went to ask some questions, and to say hi, but unfortunately, I’ve got the worst feedback ever- I got ignored. “Hello! I’m Right here! I exist!” Those were the words that I wanted to tell them, yet, I held myself back. The school year has just started, I don’t wanna start a fight this early.

The only thing I was able to do, during that moment, when I was invisible, was to leave, silently. I felt embarrassed. Although, I assure myself, people like them, will never make me feel that down. I guess I’m embarrassed or feeling down not because of them themselves, but because of what they did to me. I really don’t like being ignored.

Call me shallow for telling this, but as I’ve said, I don’t care. I mind my own business. And what people say about me, those are not my business, therefore, why should I even bother caring?

I can go a lot with this, this “neglection” thing! Unfortunately, I am busy. I’ll blog better soon. And readers, if you ever get neglected all the time, it doesn’t mean that you’re a loser. Some people are just pathetic enough to not notice that might be, could be, and, is, happening around them.

And by the way, Christine Supan and Kezia Calderon, take note on what I kept telling you a while ago. A man is not defined by his actions. Man can never be defined out of everything. You can never foresee and foretell things about me unless you get to know me better. Not because my actions are girlish, it doesn’t mean, I’m not a man. You don’t have the right to judge me. I hate it when my manliness is being questioned because of my actions. Honestly, when we were talking a while ago, telling me all those presumptuous stuff, I was kind-of mad. But of course, I wore my mask. I don’t people see me enraged again. You don’t want getting foretold, I don’t like that too.

P.S. Readers, I tell you this, we all don’t have the right to judge someone unless we get to know them better, the real them! Just like science, you need to prove your hypothesis about someone, before you conclude to it. We all don’t want to be prejudged. So, in order to forestall that, we shouldn’t be presumptuous about someone.

Diary: Our First VIP Invitation

On special occasions of our school director- like Sacerdotal, Birthday and what not, the students of Saint Catherine’s School, barely get invited. Mostly, it’s only the choir members or the dance troupe members who get a chance to be a part of the special celebration of our dear school director. But, ever since the school bid its farewell to our previous school director, Mnsgr. Vicente Emilio Tugadi HP., and aided our great welcome to our new school director, Rev. Fr. Ted Lasso, things change.

Last Friday, our school principal has publicly announced the invitation to both the Juniors and Seniors from the Science Sections. Of course, we, the Theresians, the ones who barely get invited into this kind of event are very much thrilled to go.But, there’s a catch. Each of the Senior students must wear a classic Filipino garment respectively a Filipiñana Gown and Barong Tagalog for the girls and boys.

Preparing for this event reminded me a lot of my very first JS Prom. The way I had to get a Barong Tagalog by the last minute brought me a nostalgia last February when I had to rent my Tuxedo days before our prom was about to be held. Right now, I still haven’t returned my “Barong”. Well, I tried a while ago. Unfortunately, when me and my sister went there a while ago, the door was locked. And I didn’t want to try to open the door again because I know, I’d look like an ignorant trying to get inside a brick wall.

So, when I was preparing myself this morning, I realized that my Barong was too big. I felt kind of annoyed because, this kind of thing often happens. Moreover, I also found out I that I had no white T-Shirt prepared. I didn’t wanna wear the old one because  I know it would look like I’m a hobo half-groomed for the very first time. So what I did was, I looked for anything that can be turned pure white all over my bed room. The only thing that I found was my old SCS Dance Troupe Batch T-Shirt, which has printings on it. I thought of wearing that shirt the other way around, but I was still able to see the printing silhouettes on the shirt. So, due to my desperation of making the shirt look white, I wore my white shirt. I was very comfortable. I felt skinny, and I like it- which is weird, because I really don’t like being so fat. If it isn’t for the ‘barong’, I’d look like a complete fool.

When I was going there, I saw Kezia go to school too. While I was on the tricycle, I was thinking: “Yes! Finally! I’ve got another chance to spend even just a few minutes or seconds with her.”. I immediately told the driver to pull over wherever ‘coordinates’ we were. I really wanted to walk with her to school. Everytime I do that with her, I always feature a stereotypical romantic High School love story about a couple who always go to school together, then they become the talk of the whole campus. Sterotypical, you got that right! When we made it beside the church, the only people we saw were the other guys from the class. I was shy to go inside because I know, they’d make me feel out of place… as usual. Kezia served as my confidence blanket. At some moments, I was proud to show to the other guys that Kezia and I goes to school together. I don’t know why. Perhaps, I was trying to make the guys who have a crush on her jealous. When we saw our other classmates, we immediately got in. Everyone looked gorgeous and handsome. I really felt like it was PROM again!

There weren’t many seats on the church so most of us decided to go wherever usherettes told us to go. But in the end, our butts landed on the chairs outside, at the school’s ‘plaza maria’. Of course, everyone were being impatient and “hungry”. Some of us seemed disappointed that there weren’t seats reserved for us, when in fact, we were invited. After a few moments, minutes, hours, whatever!, our adviser told us there were six empty seats inside. I wanted to go, I wanted to attend the mass. My friends, the ones who make me confident whenever they’re around, they were gone. They were inside the church already. I know, I am a bit exaggerating on my statement a bit… I’m sorry for that.

I felt like a fish out of water because it seemed that I am the only guy in the middle of gossiping girls. While they were talking, I was like: “Oh man! Damn it! Crap! Why the hell am I the only guy around?! Darn it!”. I was kinda mad. Then, Christian and Jophel popped. That was the time, I felt confident hanging with the girls again. Not to mention, even with Kezia around, I wasn’t feeling good hanging out with them.

After a few talks, I didn’t seem to mind what time it was- or how long was the mass. When the mass was over, I saw my friends. Boy, was I glad to see them! I felt like I was bumping to a childhood friend whom I’ve never seen for so long time.

When it was chowtime, tables seem to have turned the wrong way again. I mean, there were some problems. It was hard getting rations of food because there were a lot of visitors. Some of our friends decided to go to Jollibee instead. But me, Aira, Jophel, Reynold and some of our friends, stood up for what we believe in. Or at least, what our stomach believes on. LOL. We almost had a chance to get our rations when the commandant of the school’s CAT Officers to tell us, both students and teachers,to let the visitors get their lunch first. We had no right to complain, because he was right. I didn’t care much about that actually, because I wasn’t that hungry. Although, some of us, and some teachers were obviously mad for that. If there’s one thing I can say about that, Rev. Fr. Ted already saw us on our lines. Why bother sending us back?! That kind of seemed pathetic.

In the end, we managed to get out lunch. It was very delicious. We had two turns on the rations. LOL. I guess it’s what you can call: ‘making things efficient’. Seriously, we’re not always in this kinds of occasions, so we took the freedom of eating everything we want. I guess that’s what you can say ‘perks’ of being invited.

There were some other things that happened too. But honestly, I’m not in the authority to tell that.

So, in consolation for that, I’ll just show you some photos: